


Lost and Found

by AMS_27



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Abandonment, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Amnesia, Angst, Author is Not a Clay | Dream Apologist (Video Blogging RPF), Author is a TommyInnit Apologist (Video Blogging RPF), Bad Parent Phil Watson (Video Blogging RPF), Brotherly Affection, Fluff, Found Family, Healing, Manipulative Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Miscommunication, Psychological Trauma, SBI family dynamics, Sad TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Sleepy Bois Inc as Family, Temporary Amnesia, Trauma
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-19
Packaged: 2021-03-24 08:07:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30069225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AMS_27/pseuds/AMS_27
Summary: "Unbelievable. So this is where you've been hiding for the past three months?" Tommy scoffed, his fingers itching with the need to scratch at the back of his hands, "While everyone's been losin' their shit, you've been livin' here- You're despicable. You won't even own up to what you've done-""But what did I do?"Tommy tries to move past his trauma in the prison, but it becomes really hard when he can't find a stable support system. His dad and only living brother hate him, Tubbo's replaced him, and Sam seems to be too busy to ever listen. When Jack tells him the server would be better off without him, Tommy decides to take him up on that offer, running as far as he possibly can.Meanwhile, a masked convict wakes up in the middle of nowhere with no idea who he is.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Ranboo & Toby Smith | Tubbo & Other(s), Sam | Awesamdude & TommyInnit, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, Wilbur Soot & Technoblade & TommyInnit & Phil Watson
Comments: 20
Kudos: 309





	1. The Mind Doesn't Forget

He’d been trying. He swore he’d been trying. Trying to stop his loud outbursts. Trying to stop staring into the distance. Trying to stop flinching at the slightest touch. 

Tommy knew it would be a difficult road to recovery, but he hadn’t quite realized how hard it would really be. It was hard to be in rooms that had low ceilings; he found himself crouching in his own house. He found himself avoiding the nether; there was too much lava, reminding him of a different shimmering curtain that stood between him and freedom. Sleeping had become an impossible task. 

Sleep was a demon lying in wait; the minute he slipped under, all he could see was obsidian closing in, entrapping him. Occasionally he would dream of exile, of Logstedshire, of the hopeless feeling of never seeing any of his loved ones again. 

Waking brought little relief, except to assure him he was in a different place. He always woke up completely and utterly alone, scratching at his throat trying to pry off the phantom hands that were constantly choking him. (The hands never let go, they only loosened their grip enough to let him breathe)

Tommy would spend the rest of the night awake, physically fighting the urge to close his eyes, because he didn’t want to go back. He didn’t want to remember the explosions or the feeling of blood dripping down his temple. Those nights made him ache for a different time where he could crawl into his brother’s bed and fall asleep in total security. He hadn’t felt that way in a long time. Not since…

When he was a child the second-best substitute had been Phil, knowing that his father’s capable arms were strong enough to protect him from monsters that hadn’t had a face yet. (His monster is still faceless, covered by a blank white mask). He’d never gone to Techno, even when he was home. He hadn’t wanted to seem weak in front of his childhood idol. How silly it seems now since Techno had seen him at his lowest; delirious with pain and running from the ideas in his head. 

They wouldn’t want to see him now, probably not ever. Techno had all but said he hated him, and Phil seemingly had no qualms with following his favorite son down the path of anarchy. 

He stood against them to protect his few cherished memories of Wilbur, only for it all to be washed away with a blast of their TNT. 

_Oh, Tommy…_ (The phantom hands ruffled his hair in mock affection) _Phil and Techno aren’t coming! They’re not coming to save you, heck, they_ hate _you! Why else would they have teamed up with me, knowing what you went through in exile?_

He’d try to ignore the pangs in his chest until sunrise. 

During the day he’d amble about, busying himself with menial tasks around his hotel, trying to keep himself busy, to keep himself focused on something that wasn’t how much his body inexplicably ached. 

He’d spend most of the day hoping someone would come around to visit. To talk to him in more than a passing hello. 

Tubbo was busy. With his own hotel, with Snowchester, with his ever-growing family that he wasn’t a part of. Tommy was proud of him, truly! That Tubbo became the type of man they’d only dreamed about becoming during their revolution days. But it wasn’t hard to feel like he was moving on from him. Finally letting go of Tommy and all the baggage that came with him. Ranboo was a convenient replacement.

Ranboo had never caused a war, or forced Tubbo to make hard decisions, or dragged him into a fight where he’d nearly lost his life at the hands of a madman. He was everything Tommy wasn’t. A clean slate. 

While Tommy had been desperately trying to block out every venomous word that dripped from Dream’s voice, Tubbo had been more than fine. Hadn’t even wondered where Tommy had gone.

 _Tubbo doesn’t care! He’s probably glad you’re in here with me! How many times has he almost died because of something_ you _dragged him into? Stop being so selfish._ (The phantom hands’ grip on his hair tightened.)

Tommy ached for confrontation, he wanted- he needed an outlet. He needed someone to talk to- he needed someone who would listen. Wilbur used to listen. He used to-

When Phil was too busy with Technoblade to pay attention to either of them, Wilbur would fill in the gap almost seamlessly. He’d understood what Tommy needed despite his mouth running off the contrary. 

Wilbur would understand, he would’ve sat Tommy down and talked him through everything he was feeling, providing him with the warmth he craved. If Wilbur were here he wouldn’t have gone to the prison that last time, his brother was dramatic but even he wouldn’t have seen the sense in letting Tommy walk right into his abuser’s hands.

Tommy never blamed him for what happened in Pogtopia. _Maybe he should’ve._ Wilbur was off his rocker, he wasn’t the same man that used to sit by the fire and sing him and Fundy to sleep. _If Tommy blamed him it would be easier to let him go._ His final months were a pitiful echo of the man he used to be. _If Tommy blamed him, it wouldn’t have hurt so much when L’manberg was gone._ He was still the man who raised him. _Phil killed him twice._

 _Wilbur’s gone, Tommy._ (They let go abruptly, their absence making Tommy wish for them to return, to ground him, even if it hurt) (Is that why he went back?)

So later that afternoon when Sam came up to him, with a sense of urgency about him, Tommy let himself hope. 

Sam had been distant since the prison incident. He had dropped Tommy off at the hotel, going so far as to force him to eat and tuck him into one of the beds. It felt nice to be cared for. But the next day, Sam hadn’t come by. He hadn’t come around the next day either. Tommy let himself believe Sam was busy with the prison, he hadn’t found where the security breach had come from yet. _But why would he refuse to meet his eyes?_

Was Tommy too annoying? Too loud? Had Sam gotten tired of him too?

 _Sam doesn’t care either, Tommy. If he actually cared about you he’d let you out! Face it. No one out there would care if you lived or died in here!_ (He bat away the phantom hands around his arms as Sam approached)

“Sam!” Tommy tried to keep his enthusiasm high, “Where’ve you been, man? I m-”

“Tommy, please,” Sam cut him off. Tommy tried to hide the way his hands twitched upwards, to bury themselves in his hair, “There was an incident at the prison.”

“What do you mean? Is- Is Dream-”

“Dream’s escaped the prison.” (He felt them creeping up his back) “At the moment, we have no idea where he is, but I have no doubt that you’re in danger-”

“Wh- What do you mean he escaped the prison?!” Tommy’s voice was rising, along with his hysteria, “Sam! You said the prison was inescapable! How could he-”

“Tommy.”

“How did he get out? Who would help him?”

“I don’t-”

“How could you let him get out? You said you would keep him in there-”

“Tommy! I will try my best to protect you, but the best way I can do that right now is by finding out how he escaped. I need to get back to the prison.” Sam’s hand tightened on his trident, “I’m sorry.”

“Sam…” He must be making a truly pathetic picture now, on the brink of tears. "Wait-"

“You’ll be fine. I have to go now.”

Tommy dug his blunt nails into his palm, keeping himself from reaching out. He wanted Sam to scoop him up, the same way he did when Tommy had just gotten out. The same way Wilbur did when he’d died after his first duel with Dream. The same way Phil used to when he’d reach up with grabby hands. 

As Sam stepped away Tommy felt his stomach turn. _Another figure in green disappearing out the door. Lonely months with Wilbur grasping at straws to keep him distracted from the emptiness of the house._

And Tommy was alone. Again. This time without his brother to hold him through the nightmares.

_ I’m the only one who cares about you, Tommy. I thought you knew this. _ (The hands were reaching around his neck again)  _ I’ll always be here for you. And we can have fun like we always used to. _

(They squeezed)

(He choked.)


	2. In my own head

Was this how life was before Dream got locked up? It was suffocating.

There was a drastic shift in the server once Sam’s announcement had spread. Everyone’s smiles were a bit too strained. Every conversation felt cut short; people didn’t want to be caught off guard. 

While Dream had been in the prison, the server had relaxed. There had been no need to be constantly ready for combat. No need to be armed to the teeth with weapons and potions of all kinds. Not like now. 

Tommy barely left the hotel, insisting to himself that he was safe there. Every second of the day he would double back to stare at the shadows, trying to discern whether he was waiting there. Staring too long at the shadows caused them to bleed together making shapes that he would instinctively cower away from. Paranoia and fear mixed into a dangerous cocktail bomb, leaving him exhausted. 

He’d often catch himself nodding off only to feel that familiar fear creeping up his back, leaving him shaken and confused.

It was moments like this when Tommy longed for the familiarity of family. Maybe it was mental self-mutilation, but Tommy kept thinking, fantasizing really, of what it would be like if he hadn’t been such a complete fuck-up. 

Maybe he would have Tubbo there to hold his hand. Or even Phil to tell him that he would be okay. 

At this point, he’d even settle for Techno’s awkward but comforting presence.

Somewhere deep, Tommy knew that if he went to them, he wouldn’t be rebuffed. If they knew what he was going through they would welcome him with open arms. But he couldn’t shake the voice in his head, reminding him every day:

_ They didn’t come to see you in exile. _

_ Techno almost gave you back. _

_ Tubbo doesn’t need you anymore. _

It sounded too much like Dream for his own comfort.

He wondered if that was Dream’s plan all along. To drive him to the point where he’d have no one to rely on but himself. If there was anything Tommy had learned about the masked man, was that he always planned ahead. He wouldn’t put it past Dream to have orchestrated the destruction of all his personal relationships, in fact, it was right up his alley.

Dream must’ve known, he must’ve seen it in exile or even before then; that outside of all his bravado and aggression, Tommy was incredibly fragile. Not physically, or mentally, no. It took quite a bit to break him down. But without his Tubbo, without Wilbur, without Phil and Techno, he became vulnerable. 

The curse of the incredibly loyal it seemed. He’d give the world for others, only to have it blow up in his face in the end. 

_ You’re so needy, Tommy. _

There it was again. But it was right. As usual.

_ It’s not fair to expect other people to care about you as much as care about them. You’re hard to get along with. You’re hard to love. You can love them all you want, but don’t expect them to go to the ends of the earth for you. _

“That’s not true,” Tommy found himself responding, “Techno said he would…”

_ Yeah, he did. Before you betrayed him! _

“I didn’t want to betray him. Techno cared about me.”

_ He was  _ putting up _ with you! There’s a difference. He offered to give you back! God, you’re so stupid you can’t even see it. _

“He wasn’t putting up with me!”

_ Really? Well  _ if _ he wasn’t then doesn’t that make  _ you _ even worse? You betrayed his trust to side with L’Manberg. _

“I wasn’t siding with L’manberg! I was siding with Tubbo!”

_ And where is he now, huh? That’s right. With Ranboo in Snowchester. If he  _ really _ cared about you he’d be here, helping you. God, you’re pathetic. _

Tommy was forced to agree.

_ And who can blame him? You were loud, and reckless, and annoying. You know, if you really cared about Tubbo, you’d leave him alone. He shouldn’t have to deal with you. _

He really shouldn’t. Tubbo deserved the world. Even if he wasn’t a part of it. 

_ Just face it, Tommy. No one cares about you.  _

Wait… That wasn’t quite true, was it?

“No… Wilbur cared about me.”

_ Wilbur’s dead, Tommy.  _

“He is… but he cared, I know he did! I was his brother, he  _ loved _ me!” He argued to the darkness. (When did he close his eyes?)

_ If he really loved you he wouldn’t have tried to make you president, knowing he was going to destroy L’manberg. _

“You know as well as I do that he wasn’t thinking straight! He was in a bad place!” Tommy defended. (Who is he arguing with?)

_ Or he was finally telling you what he’d been trying to tell you for a long time! That he hates you! He hated everything about you! _

“He raised me!” (Why was he so cold?)

_ Only because he had to! How could he love someone who tore him away from his father? _

...What?

_ Phil hated you so much that he ran off when you were a kid. But. He took Techno along didn’t he? _

“Techno’s his-”

_ His favorite, I know. Haven’t you ever thought about why he left Wilbur at home? Because  _ you _ were there. Don’t tell me you thought Wilbur stayed behind because he  _ wanted _ to take care of a toddler.  _

“That- That was- I-”

_ If you hadn’t been around, Phil might’ve brought Wil along with him and Techno.  _

“No! Wilbur said-”

_ You think Wilbur didn’t think about this too? You think he didn’t look at you and know how much you were dragging him down? You’re a plague, Tommy. You destroy everything you touch. Everyone knows it. They’d be better off without you. _

(It was getting colder.)

_ It’s okay though, Tommy. I know how terrible you are. But unlike them, I’m willing to put up with you. _

The shadows reached out to him.

_ No matter how many times you mess up, I’ll be there to help you. To correct you.  _

A hug?

_ We’re best friends, aren’t we? _

All too quickly, it moved up to crush his windpipe.

“Dream!”

Tommy’s eyes shot open, blearily trying to make sense of his surroundings. It wasn’t until he felt the cool stone he was leaning on that he realized that he was at the hotel. He had fallen asleep at the reception desk while waiting for someone to come visit. 

Slowly, he felt his heart rate slow back to its’ usual pace. 

A glance outside told him it was nearly noon. Last he remembered, he had deposited more materials in one of the chests around lunchtime. He had thought that gathering them would somehow convince Sam to at least visit. Even if it was just to upgrade things. At least he wouldn’t be quite so alone. 

That meant he must have slept for 4-5 hours, the most he’d gotten in a week. No matter how Tommy looked at it, the ability to think clearly hadn’t been worth the tradeoff of having that terrible nightmare. 

Fake Dream had picked at all of his insecurities until he felt like breaking, bringing up points that he hadn’t even thought about just for the sake of hurting him. 

Had he really not thought about it, or refused to think about it?  _ That would be selfish. So perfectly in-character, huh? _

“No! I am not doing this again!” Tommy told himself firmly. Not again. 

“Are you fucking talking to yourself?” A voice asked gruffly from the foyer. Jack. Tommy had still been coming back to reality, so he hadn’t noticed the doors slamming open, or the angry man in his hotel reception. 

“None of your business,” Tommy said sharply. If there was one person on the server Tommy wasn’t willing to confide in, it’d probably be Jack. “Why are you here?”

“What d’you mean ‘Why am I here’? I’m here because Dream fuckin escaped jail!” Jack gestured wildly in the direction of the prison. Tommy set his jaw.

“And what does that have to do with you being here?”

“Motherfucker, it has  _ everything _ to do with me being here! Because it’s your fault he escaped!”

“Wha- What? Out of all the stupid things you’ve said, Jack that was probably the stupidest!” Tommy felt himself move around the reception desk, “How the fuck is it my fault he got out?”

Jack moved towards him and gripped him by the neck of his shirt. The man was seething. “There is  _ no _ other reason for Dream to leave the prison except for you!” Normally Tommy might’ve been able to push him off, but recently he hadn’t been able to stomach anything out of pure anxiety. Coupled with his sleep deprivation, Tommy could barely grip the fingers that were pulling at him. 

“That’s not true-”

“Bullshit! Dream’s got some sort of twisted vendetta against you, and we both know it. The only reason he wanted to get out was probably just to kill you.” Without warning, Jack dropped him, “You’re the reason why everyone’s in danger  _ again _ ! You just never stop causing problems do you?!”

It took Tommy longer to push himself up than he’d like to admit. Once he was propped up on his backside, he got a full view of Jack glowering down on him. Jack let out a scoff. 

“How is it someone like you managed to fuck up the entire server? I bet Dream was normal before you. From what I heard he used to be kinder, used to actually care about people.”

“Why are you saying this?”

“I’m saying this because now he’s not! He’s a psychopath who got locked up because he decided to fight  _ you _ ! You ruined his life! You are a  _ disease, _ Tommy!”

_ You’re a plague, Tommy. _

“That’s not true…” He whispered. Jack didn’t seem to hear. Or if he did, he didn’t care.

“Every single conflict on this server,  _ you _ have been at the center of it! You fuck things up for everyone and I don’t understand how people can keep defending you just cause you’re a kid! This server would be better off without you!” 

_ They’d be better off without you. _

“I fucking hate you.” Jack turned around, leaving the hotel with the heavy slam of the front doors ringing in the air. Tommy couldn’t bring himself to get up.

Jack had been his friend once too. Before Tommy ruined him.

Was it true? If Tommy had been causing problems like that, he hadn’t been  _ trying _ to. He just- He just wanted to-

_ Again with what  _ you _ want. You’re the reason why everyone’s been so fucked up, and all you’re doing is trying to justify your own actions! It’s disgusting! _

No! He wasn’t justifying anything! He wasn’t trying to cause problems for everyone!

_ That’s worse, isn’t it? You’re such a terrible person that you start conflict without even trying. At least Dream wants to cause chaos for the sake of control. You on the other hand? You just keep hurting everyone for no reason.  _

“I- I don’t mean to…” Tommy hiccupped to himself. He could feel his frustration pooling behind his eyes.

_ I know you don’t, Tommy. But that doesn’t change the fact that everyone would be better off if you were gone. _

They would be wouldn’t they? No one wants him around; he already knew that. But maybe even staying near them was too much. He was already putting everyone in danger by being here. It would be better if he left. 

Not death. He didn’t deserve that. Besides, dying would mean that everyone would have to force themselves to care again out of respect for the dead. And he couldn’t bear to face Wilbur in the afterlife, knowing that he was the reason why Phil had left them both. 

What Tommy deserved was to become a blip in the back of their minds. To fade away into innocuity, and then eventually to become a passing memory. He was already halfway there. He hadn’t talked to anyone in days.

He’d leave. Go somewhere he could live alone and not cause any more trouble. Tommy was loyal to a fault. And if leaving meant everything would be better for everyone, then he’d do it. 

(He’d give them the world.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And the projecting continues. Kinda starting to feel bad for this kid.
> 
> ayo peep the socials  
> Twitter: @Ams_27A

**Author's Note:**

> I just want Tommy to lose his shit man. His character just- keeps forgiving people and I just want him to idk call out Phil for being a bad parent maybe I'm projecting but we don't have time to unpack ALL of that-


End file.
